I feel sad. I texted someone I wasn’t supposed to text, and now I feel sad.
Lana, what would you tell me to do? Lana, I don’t know how to make of it.
I wish I knew how to move on. I wish it came more easily to me.
I do move on, a lot. I think I’ve gotten better at it.
But I wasn’t born to do this, Lana. I wasn’t born to say goodbye.
Lana, I don’t know how real my past is. So often, I feel I re-remember my past so often that there isn’t a semblance of reality in my memories anymore. When I remember the past, I always remember it with a certain frame of mind. There are some parts of my past I think were better than they actually were and other parts of the past that were worse than they actually were. How do I tell the difference? Can you tell me?
Lana, I think other people remember my past differently than I do. People in my life don’t remember the past anymore, but I still do. I wish I could just forget about the past as if the things I have experienced didn’t happen. What does it take to do that? Then, I wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I am staying authentic to the true narrative of whatever happened to me in the past. If I wanted a superpower, that would be it: forgetfulness.