Dear Lana,

Sometimes, I feel I get so caught up in the future that I lose sight of the present.

The future is full of possibilities; it is so uncertain and has the potential to be so amazing. I want the future to be amazing. The past was difficult at times, and I want the future to be different from the past. I don’t think I’m willing to relive the past again; I would rather have an easy life than a life full of wanting. But, since I did want to achieve something in my past, I eventually got to somewhere that will allow me to have a future that I want.

Lana, sometimes I forget that the future is the product of the present. What is the point of planning out the future if it ignores everything that is happening at the moment? It seems quite far-fetched, don’t you think? The present is quite satisfying, but I feel like I’m constantly looking for ways to escape the present. I guess holing up in the same room all day has started to nibble at my willpower. It’s an coping mechanism, I suppose, for people who have been confined to a place for a while — the yearning to escape.

I wonder, when Dantès was confined to the Château d’If, did he maintain his sanity by imagining the feeling of the sea splashed against his ragged skin one day?

I haven’t been to the shore in awhile, Lana. I really like large bodies of water, and its quite unfortunate that I have not gone to a large body of water in a while. I miss submerging my body in the ocean, eyes stinging from opening my eyes under green waters. I miss finding salt crystals in my hair the next day, tasting the sea once again in my morning shower when I run water through my hair. I miss finding sand in my buttcrack.

All I wanna do is get high by the beach
Get high by the beach get high