sunrise

“If you could start your life from start to finish, would you change things?”

Most of the movie Arrival takes place during sunrise. At least the scenes that made the final cut of the the movie. There’s a certain quality to it. It’s symbolic of new beginnings. It’s pure. It’s vulnerable. When I was in undergrad, I tended to index heavily on sunsets because they were symbolic of endings. It made sense considering how dramatic I was back then. And, while I could appreciate a good sunset, I’m more of a sunrise guy now. Not only because I have an east-facing apartment and can’t really see sunsets, but because I find the prospect of new beginnings to be a lot more poetic than endings. Sunsets often are defined by magnitude and intensity, while sunrises are subtle and blue.

We have unlimited room for redemption in life. While I always want things to end beautifully, the truth is that there is more to life than how things end, even though that is how I pay attention to. I’ve always liked the imagery of phoenixes because it symbolizes the cycle of death and rebirth. This preference has grown stronger over time. Unfortunately, I’m at the age where it’s getting too painful to get new tattoos, so I probably won’t be able to get a (large) phoenix tattoo in my lifetime. Or, more accurately, I don’t want to endure the pain required to get a large back piece.

The song that plays at the beginning and end of Arrival is called On the Nature of Daylight. What is the nature of daylight? Why is there a redemptive quality to it? Why do countless humans before me find meaning in the cycle of day and night? Sunrise is a bridge between the glory of the day and the stillness of the night.

I wonder if everyone changes from being a sunset person to a sunrise person in their lives. Maybe that’s why people wake up earlier.

And so, I don’t know if I would change my life. There is a poetic quality to live life as it is, but I’ve never been one to err away from change when it was presented in front of me. I reside in some contradictory middle ground between acceptance and agency, where I accept my life as it is but also willing to change when I desire to.