new car

I bought a car recently.

I thought this purchase would set me free, but it really has made me quite stressed. I knew there would things I would have to worry about like insurance or parking. What I didn’t realize was how annoying these things would be to get. What I didn’t know is that in California, there’s a mandatory 15-day underwriting period for any new insurance policies. Since I’m parking my car at the dealership for a month, and since they require insurance on cars they’re holding on the first of every month, this means that I would need to buy their expensive insurance for the duration I am parked there, at least for the first month. For subsequent months, I’m between addresses right now, so I don’t even know if I would be able to secure an insurance policy.

To be honest, I thought being an adult would mean that I would be free. In actuality, it just means you are tied down by other things, like rent and insurance payments.

I’ve been staying in Oakland in the past week in one of the less glamorous Airbnbs I have stayed at in my life, and I think it has made me realize how much I care about comfortable living accommodations and privacy. There are other people staying here. One of whom has been talking to himself very frequently. I can hear because the walls are very thin. I often seek out accommodations that are clean, and I maintain pretty clean living quarters myself, so it’s not often I find myself sleeping somewhere dirty.

I’m about to go to Costa Rica. I haven’t decided for exactly how long, but I’m thinking about a month at this point. I don’t really need to do more travel, if I’m being honest, but I didn’t want to turn down the only opportunity I would ever have to be a digital nomad in my life. With my car, I would probably be better off staying in SF, maybe commuting between LA for a little bit. But this is the only opportunity I would ever get in working out of a tropical island, trying to learn how to surf. It’s also something uncomfortable, which I need more of at this point in my life.

I’d like to think that I am immune from my environment, but I am not. Being in this Airbnb in Oakland has demotivated me. I have been staying in the office until 10 PM most nights, including weekends. I will do anything to not come back here in this windowless box. It’s just not a comfortable place to be. There are some places that make you less depressed, and then there are some places that make you more depressed. This place makes me more depressed. 

I feel like I’m in college again, with an opaque idea of how to solve my problems and only my willpower to keep me doing. I think money has solved a lot of my problems, and it has made the remaining problems I need to solve easier. But then there’s the direction of where my life is heading, and it is a satisfactory direction, but it’s not really the life I’ve always dreamed of. I feel like I am getting by, and that is okay, but I just want more than getting by.